Audio

Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want

Tonight I drove down my ex-boyfriend’s street.  Something I haven’t allowed myself to do a single time since we broke up three years ago.  I thought about it the other weekend when driving home from Roseville. It just randomly popped into my head, but I dismissed and kept driving.  

Driving home the same way tonight I started thinking about it as I approached the turn and I thought fuck it, if I’m going to keep thinking about it I might as well do it and get it over with.  Then the signal turned yellow before his street and I thought maybe this is a sign, I shouldn’t turn.  I continued arguing with myself and that old, familiar tightness in my chest started growing…

I turned.

I couldn’t believe how it all just came back.  I half expected the light in his old room to be on and his shadow sitting on the bottom bunk.  So many thoughts, so many memories, SO MANY times I had driven down this street without it meaning a damn thing.  Tonight it felt like I’d been punched in the gut.  Three years later and it still made me sad.  

When this song comes on the radio from time to time I remind myself that these words spoke so true to me years ago when we were dating.  I couldn’t figure out why oh why that this great guy who was very special to me wasn’t “the one”.  Why I couldn’t commit fully, why after roughly six years I had never even thought to move in with him.

So tonight I’m playing this song and reminding myself that yes you can miss him, but it wasn’t right for you forever.  There were reasons you broke up with him {twice} and people don’t change {right?}.  Maybe it’s kind of sad or pathetic, but it’s me and my blog and I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Night night.

 

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