How To Make Friends & Be a Good Friend Too!

{According to me}

I was recently asked by a fellow Tumblr/Tweeter on how to make friends. It was really sweet to receive recognition for my great group of friends so with that little bit of flattery I decided to help as best I can.  Please keep in mind that I am no expert, but that my social calendar is always bursting so I must know something! ;)


1) School: Be it high school, college, a yoga class or anything involving you being lead by a teacher in a class like setting.

2) Work: It’s important to choose wisely here because this is someone that you have to see 40 hours a week regardless of the fact your friend puked on your couch this weekend. Can you separate work and friendship when necessary?

3) Friend of a friend: You have this friend, well they have other friends too. What you like in them is potentially what others see in them as well. This mutual friend is already something in common you have right off the bat with a new potential friend.

4) At random: Sometimes, although I feel it’s more rare, you can make a friend totally at random. Your favorite barista, the girl sitting next to you at the nail salon, or over tears in your beer one drunken NYE (that really happened).


I think it all starts with an invitation. To something, anything… Once you find that common thread, invite the person to try out that new wine bar because you both love wine (biased, duh!). Obsessed with the same show or movie trilogy, invite them over to watch or go see the latest movie. I see so many other girls on Tumblr and IRL that get together every week to watch Gossip Girl or The Bachelor etc.

It may sound scary, but a casual invitation can go along way.  You never know where one brunch will lead and how many new people you could meet from someone you’ve reached out too.  I also believe that we’re at an age where an invitation from an almost-stranger isn’t viewed as weird. I think most of have learned the hard friend lesson of quality not quantity when it comes to friendship. Personally, I’m always looking for a new great friend and that doesn’t mean I’m turning away from the friends I have.  A new connection can potentially lead to a new quality friend and I think that can be exciting.

If you want to utilize Facebook that can be a less threatening approach. I’m considered by some in my group as the “Facebook nazi” because of my strict friending approach, but I know I stand alone on this. Send a request WITH a friendly message after you’ve met out for that drink or maybe after you’ve chatted with that barista for a couple months. When it comes to an online request I believe in not rushing too soon. I try to avoid the, WTF random from the recipient.

I think what it all boils down to is being open.  Open to all possibilities and trying new things.  Join a sports league, take a cooking class or look into a young professionals group in your area.  We have a couple here in Sacramento, neither of which I belong to, but I’ve participated in several events.  You may network for work, but consider this networking for your social life!


I feel like I have to at least quickly touch on this since I am writing a friendship post. Friendship is a two way street.  I could end this section right there, but to expand just a little, remember that it’s important to give and receive.  Sometimes that’s hard when you have a friend that is a great listener, like I do, and to ask them about what’s going on in their life.  I can get so caught up in my stories, my woes and my gossip that I have give myself a wake-up every once and awhile.  Whatever it is that you so love about a particular friend, try to remember to give that back to them 110%.  

Also, throwing out an invitation without any follow-up IS NOT being a good friend.  I have walked away from several friendships because I’m the one doing all the planning. If you want to hang out, make it happen.  Don’t say, “let’s do drinks” over and over. In this case it’s not the thought that counts.  Let’s use another cliche here instead - actions speak louder than words. Good friendships, just like our relationships with our significant others, take time, effort.  It’s really about finding that balance.

{End rant.}




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