Growing Pains

{WARNING:  This post may not make sense.  This post is a random stream of consciousness where I'm mostly complaining.}

When I was young I fantasized about being a grownup.  Mostly when I was mad a my parents for being totally "unfair".  I'm sure I wasn't the only one.  I thought about growing up, having my own my money, going anywhere I wanted when I wanted and just being the boss of myself.  Fast forward to 29.  I have my own money, but a very small amount.  When does that change?  I can go where I want, when I want to spend $4+ a gallon to get there.  And for the most part, I am the boss of myself.  I came home yesterday from work and helped myself to milk and cookies.  Before dinner?!  Boss.  Of.  MYself.  Many may argue I have yet to grow up and that's probably a little bit true.

What I didn't realize when I was kid was the other not so fun stuff that came along with all this grownup business.  What it would feel like to suffer the breakup with your first love.  AWFUL.  Or how frustrating it would be to pick out the right health insurance.  SO ANNOYING.  Or the confusion of outgrowing your friendships.  No one really told me about that.  Although, I probably wouldn't have listened because I obviously knew everything.  Now I'm looking around, evaluating my life and thinking what the f*ck.  And not for the first time either.

My question is, what do you do?  How do you do it?  Navigating life is way harder than the game.  As much as I like {and often do} stick my head in the sand or hide out in the bathroom - some things don't figure themselves out.  Despite my ignoring said problems for weeks or months at a time.  It's frustrating to have things expected of you day in and day out.  Why am I not a celebrity with a handler whose solving all my #whitegirlproblems?  Almost every day I have to get up by 6:30 even though I want to sleep until 10.  I'd like to have a milkshake for lunch or dinner every day, but I'd also like my pants to fit and not have to push too hard at the gym.  Oh!  There's something I was told - your metabolism really does slow down as you get older.  T-h-a-n-k-s.  I don't know how to answer my own questions because I change "strategy" day to day.  Sometimes I think I need to salvage those friendships.  Other days I tell myself just let it go.  There's no real right answer is there?

Now I'm just rambling.  Or is this a quarter-life-crisis 2.0?  Please excuse me, I need a drink...  At 10am!  I'm a grownup yo! :)

 

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