Filtering by Tag: emotions

If You Don't Have Anything Mean to Say...

Wait.  Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?  Yet, it seems like we tend to be so much freer with our mean judgments than we ever are with compliments and praise.  I'm not here to point fingers or spout rainbows, but I try to remind myself to at least have some balance.

Yesterday I was overcome by love and admiration for my boyfriend and his unwavering support of all my small endeavors.  Not something you usually catch me saying, but after a moments hesitation over the possible backlash at such a gushy tweet I did it.  So what?!  Roll your eyes at me, stick your finger down your throat -  WHATEVER!  I love my boyfriend and he's pretty awesome most of the time.  We all love praise so why not share it more?

I'm definitely the first to fake gag at over the top Facebook status updates, "Best boyfriend ever! Love him! Blah, blah, blah.".  GAG! Then I diligently "like" it although if you're at all like me you're probably just doing it to be nice.  Haven't we all regretted at some point not being more open with our feelings?  I think that's step #4 of breakup therapy, when you're obsessing over the details of what went wrong or what you could have done different.  The past is in the past, but now is my chance to make those different choices.  I want go stop being so reserved about my feelings.

What's my point?  This isn't about telling you to be some amazing, positive, happy person...  That's unrealistic, but maybe the next time your best friend gets a promotion - give her a shout out.  The boyfriend does something ordinary, but it makes you feel great - tell him!

My name is Kyle and I'm a closeted mushy girl.


Trying to snap out of it, but the outlook is not so good.

{Not So Pretty & Shiny}

My sister made a (true) comment the other day about how if there was something not going well in my life it wouldn’t be on the blog because that is only happy and sunny. It definitely got me thinking because it’s true and I’ve know it for a long time, but when someone calls you out it kind of puts you in perspective.

One of the reasons I don’t tend to share the not so great emotions I go through is because the people who read this and know me IRL start IMing me or texting me are you alright? Yeah, yeah… there are way worse things to bitch about, people caring about me… so annoying! {sarcasm} BUT my blog is kind of like a journal. One where hundreds of people can read and give feedback, but if I wanted my IRL friends feedback then I would have asked them in… RL! See the pattern?

Secondly, it is SO hard not to talk about Mr. Goddard on here. He reads this blog from time to time and I’ve heard his coworkers read too. Obviously my whole family reads weekly, if not daily. Things are new, things are confusing and frustrating and it would be so nice to say to all of you blah, blah, blah… and then ask, am I crazy? Am I wrong? His fault, right? ;) For now though, I’m going to try and remain mum. I mean I hear that “normal people” just tell the guy how he makes them feel and doesn’t run it past the interwebs first. Anyone else try that?

I will, however, share some REAL not so pretty things that I’m feeling at the time so here’s me being vulnerable:

  • I lightly touched on it Friday that I’m a little stressed about money. There are several weddings coming up this year and that means money! I held off on filing my taxes because I didn’t trust myself to do the right thing and put the money on my credit card. I’m a terrible money manager. Fact.
  • One thing I have been thinking of splurging my refund on is a gym membership. (Gawd) I have been slowly gaining weight over the last 17 months and I’m really not loving the way I look now. Not really earth shattering, but I feel fat and I don’t want to be the fat bridesmaid come September when I walk down the aisle in my best friend’s wedding!
  • Work has been slow because the economy is slow. I work in car sales and let’s just say, it’s not what it was 5 years ago. It makes the days long and tedious at times.
  • For those of you who haven’t put it together, I’m seeing someone. It’s been over two years since MexEx and even then that relationship was long-distance and going nowhere. Here I am at 28, facing what is the first “healthy” relationship I’ve had in probably 4 or 5 years. For the sake of this post, I’ll admit that I feel crazy insecure 90% of the time. I don’t want to jinx it or f*ck it up and just typing that, I know it sounds completely ridiculous. All in the name of keepin’ it realz! (kidding, I don’t talk like that IRL. This could probably be broken down in to several subcategories!)
  • I’ve been dealing with several friend things in the last couple weeks. Friendships don’t just happen on their own, I told you they take work, but when a couple things hit you at once then it feels a little draining. All I needed was to shed a few tears (a few!) and let time run it’s course.

Five is enough for one post right? Long story short - I am human. I am a silly girl with the same sh*t going on as you. I just prefer to internalize it and freak out silently. Every day. All the time. Totally normal, right?




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