Filtering by Tag: vent


A million years from now when I have children one of theany important things I will teach them is good phone manners.

Every job I’ve had has involved answering phones in the job description. After almost ten years I’m sick of the idiots! “I think I need service or something.”. That is NOT accetable! Do you or don’t you? Why don’t you THINK about it before you pick up the phone?!

As a child your parents probably told you to think before you speak. Well the same thing applies here. You called me. Not the other way around so it’s best to have a name in mind or at least have your thoughts formulated.

I have never claimed to have the most ladylike manners, but I do believe in treating service personnel with courtesy. We have all been there at one time or another so make it a little easier.

Dear Roommate Gods Continued...

Right before I moved out I vented a little A LOT about my roommate and our living situation.  The gods may have answered me.  No, I didn’t put dog shit under his bed…  I got an apology instead:

I just want you to know that I’m sorry if I was a grumpy person to live with..all in all I think that we will be better friends nows and it was a good experience and I appreciate the cleaning you did and for being a nice and respectful roommate

I had a lot of not so nice things I wanted to say back.  For starters what a load of crap… better friends??  I think NOT.  Instead I was tactful and chose my words carefully and in response:

Well I kinda feel like I wasn’t very pleasant at times and it’s just cause I have so much financial stuff going once again I’m sorry if I soured the experience and I have no ill or hard are still one of my best friends

NO ILL FEELINGS?!  Thanks!  But I don’t give a shit!  If anyone should have ”ill feelings” it should be me!  And NO, you are not one of my best friends.  Thanks anyways.

No I didn’t SAY that.  That’s just what I felt.

Dear Roommate Gods,

Please fuck over my roommate.
If you could make it slow and painful, I’d appreciate it.

Seriously!  It’s so great that he managed to remind me right before I’m supposed to move WHY HE IS SO TERRIBLE THAT I’D RATHER MOVE HOME TO MY PARENTS.  He pissed me off YESTERDAY and I’m STILL fuming about it!  I don’t think there is any way to short story it, but basically he constantly surprises me with how selfish and what a DICK he can be!!  Why am I surprised after knowing him almost four years??

I know everyone has their own (probably worse) roommate stories from hell and I’d love for you to make me feel better.  Right now I’m plotting all the various ways I can screw him before I leave on the 5th.  Here’s what I’ve come up with:

  • Taking some, if not all of his beloved chicken in the freezer.  He’s had no problem helping himself to all my stuff in the last nine months.
  • Dump the dog’s bitter spray into whatever I choose in the refrigerator, marinating chicken or his juice etc.
  • Leave the all the lights and heat on all evening when I’m home to rack up his utilities bills.  He’s managed to blame various bills on me and yet I’ve never seen them or seen him follow his own rules he’s given to me.
  • Put the dog’s poop under his bed.  I mean I’m such a terrible dog owner (according to him)… I had no idea.  Oops!

Just so we’re clear I probably won’t follow through with any of it…  Other than maybe racking up the heating and lighting.  What do you think?




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